"Have to Go to Start Over Again"

In October 1994, I abandoned the pursuit of my Ph.D from the University of Texas.  The main reason I left was because we had no money.  I took a job with a friend's family business, and have been employed ever since.  In 2001 I had a close call, and was given notice of a pending layoff.  Luckily, I found another job before they could release me.

My employment streak ended today.  I was laid off from my job.  So were many other people that worked with me.  Luckily, I had an idea that it was coming, so I wasn't surprised.  If anything, I was relieved.  My skills were underutilized, and it was a daily struggle to add value and justify my role.  Regardless, it feels a little strange to be without a job for the first time in 15 years.

As I drove the 5 hour trip from Austin to the Rio Grande Valley, I had plenty of time to talk on the phone with ex-co-workers, and think about my next steps.  When I wasn't on the phone, I had the iPod on shuffle. Around Alice, Texas, one of my favorite John Prine songs came on, and it seemed to fit my mood and the transitional mode that my life is entering.  I'll leave you with the lyrics to Clay Pigeons, written by Blaze Foley, and recorded by John Prine on his Fair & Square album, as well as a video of Mr. Prine performing the song live on Austin City Limits.

Clay Pigeons
© Blaze Foley (a.k.a. Michael David Fuller) 1989

I'm goin' down to the Greyhound Station, gonna get a ticket to ride 
Gonna find that lady with two or three kids and sit down by her side 
Ride 'til the sun comes up and down around me 'bout two or three times 
Smokin' cigarettes in the last seat 
Tryin' to hide my sorrow from the people I meet

and get along with it all 
Go down where the people say "y'all" 
Sing a song with a friend 
Change the shape that I'm in, 
And get back in the game, 
And start playin' again

I'd like to stay but I might have to go to start over again 
Might go back down to Texas, might go to somewhere that I've never been 
And get up in the mornin' and go out at night
and I won't have to go home 
Get used to bein' alone 
Change the words to this song 
Start singin' again

I'm tired of runnin' 'round lookin' for answers to questions that I already know 
I could build me a castle of memories just to have somewhere to go 
Count the days and the nights that it takes to get back in the saddle again 
Feed the pigeons some clay 
Turn the night into day 
Start talkin' again, when I know what to say

I'm goin' down to the Greyhound Station, gonna get a ticket to ride 
Gonna find that lady with two or three kids and sit down by her side 
Ride 'til the sun comes up and down around me 'bout two or three times 
Smokin' cigarettes in the last seat 
Tryin' to hide my sorrow from the people I meet 
And get along with it all

Go down where the people say "y'all" 
Feed the pigeons some clay 
Turn the night into day 
Start talkin' again 
When I know what to say